


beating itno an infinite hum of anxiety

by teadominusrex



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Fluff, Headaches & Migraines, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Harm, Self-Mutilation, Sort Of, Spider Anxiety | Virgil Sanders, Sympathetic Deceit | Janus Sanders, kind of it's not that graphic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-20
Updated: 2020-10-20
Packaged: 2021-03-08 20:54:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,295
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27112951
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/teadominusrex/pseuds/teadominusrex
Summary: Virgil wakes up looking different and he's not happy about it
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Deceit | Janus Sanders
Comments: 4
Kudos: 116





	beating itno an infinite hum of anxiety

**Author's Note:**

> Title from WTF is Sleep by Worries
> 
> Ok I know spiders don't have antennae I just think Virgil would look cute with them 
> 
> No beta we die like men

It’s past noon by the time Virgil rolls out of bed. He’s always been a night owl, Roman even jokes that he was nocturnal. 

Virgil yawns and stumbles to the bathroom. He’d showered last night so he skips right to putting in his contacts. He has horrible eyesight, worse than Logan or Patton but he hated the way glasses made him look so he uses contacts instead. He fumbles for his glasses so he can at least see what he’s doing and yelps in shock, jumping back from the bathroom mirror and hitting his head on the wall.

He has six too many eyes, two larger ones right under his normal eyes and three more on the outside of each eye. Feathery, moth like antennae poke out from his sleep messy hair. 

“No, no no no no,” Virgil quickly locks the door.

He hasn’t looked like this since he lived on the Dark Side, why was it popping out  _ now? _

He can’t let anyone see him like this, especially not Roman, Logan or Patton and  _ especially _ not Thomas. They’d all see him as a freak, a monster, something to be  _ feared _ again.

Virgil screws his eyes shut and focuses first on hiding his eyes then the antennae. He can’t change his appearance like Janus, but he did teach him a few tricks.

Virgil carefully opens one. Nothing changed.

“Shit,” he mutters “shit shit shit.”

He grabs one antenna and pulls, hard, crying out with the sharp pain. 

“C’mon don’t be a baby,” he tells himself. He pulls harder, trying to ignore the pain but it doesn’t budge. 

“Okay,” Virgil sighs, “time for plan B.”

He slips back into his room, locking the door for good measure. He yanks open his desk drawer, and digs though it until he finds what he’s looking for. A pair of sharp purple scissors.

Virgil takes a deep breath and turns to the full length mirror but before he can do anything a loud knock on his door startles him into dropping the scissors.

“Virgil? Kiddo, are you up yet? I have lunch made if you’re hungry!” Patton calls. 

Panic floods though Virgil and he freezes staring at the door. 

“Virgil?” Patton tries again, “okay, I’ll just leave your sandwich in the fridge then”

Virgil relaxes a fraction as he hears Patton walk away. 

He picks up the scissors again. He turns them over and over in his hands.

“Don’t but coward, just do it,” he whispers to himself. 

He grips the right antenna and positions the scissors at the base. 

He closes his eyes.

_ Snip _

The pain is immediate and overwhelming, accompanied with the worst migraine Virgil has ever had. 

It brings him to his knees, clutching his head with his hands. 

He manages to crawl into his bed, the whole room spinning. He drags the blanket over his head and closes his eyes.

Virgil must have fallen asleep at some point because he’s awoken by another knock on the door.

“Virgil?” Logan calls “you’ve been in your room for over 24 hours, are you feeling okay?”

Virgil’s headache is almost gone and when he looks in the mirror he wants to cry. Both antennae are back like nothing happened.

“Virgil can you let me know you’re okay, please?” Logan calls again. 

Shaking, Virgil grabs a pen and rips a page out of a notebook. He scribbles a quick note and shoves it under the door. 

Logan frowns when a piece of paper slips out from under Virgil’s door.

_ I’m fine.  _

_ Not leaving for a while.  _

_ Please leave me alone. _

Logan’s frown deepens as he reads the note. Something is definitely wrong.

“Did he talk to you?” Patton asks when he walks into the living room.

Logan shakes his head. “All I got was this note.”

Patton took the note and read it out loud. “That doesn’t sound good”

“No, it doesn’t” agrees Janus, taking the note from Patton. 

“Let’s just break the door down!” pipes up Remus.

“Remus, no,” Janus gives him a stern look, “we don’t want to scare him.”

“Then what do we do?” Roman asks “you know him better than we do.”

Janus sighs, “sometimes it’s better to just leave Virgil alone. He’ll come out when he’s ready.”

“Or out of food,” Remus adds.

“Are you sure?” Patton asks.

“Just give him a little more time,” Janus says reassuringly “he’ll be okay.”

Virgil’s stomach growls. 

“Traitor,” he grumbles. 

But he knows he’ll have to leave his room for food at some point. 

He leaves his room at 2:00 am, hoping all the other sides will be asleep. He tiptoes down to the kitchen. 

He grabs the Cap’n Crunch and the milk, grateful for his ability to see in the dark.

“Virgil?” 

The kitchen light flips on and Virgil jumps, spilling milk on the counter.

He quickly turns away, pulling his hood farther down to hide his face.

“Virgil, we’ve all been worried about you,” Janus says, lying a hand on Virgil’s shoulder. “What’s wrong.”

“Don’t look at me,” Virgil whispers. “Just go away.”

“Little spider, you know you don’t have to hide anything from me,” Janus says softly. 

Virgil shudders at the old nickname. He shakes his head. “I’m a monster,” he whispers.

Janus frowns “you aren’t a monster. Hey, look at me, okay?”

Virgil hesitates but slowly turns so Janus can see his face. 

Janus chuckles, “is that what you’ve been hiding in your room for?”

Virgil glares with all eight eyes “it’s not funny.”

“Alright I’m sorry,” Janus says, “but you really have nothing to hide.”

“If the others see me…” Virgil trailed off. “If Thomas sees me- they’ll be scared of me again.”

“No they won’t,” Janus says “they know you. Everyone has been worried sick about you.”

Virgil looked away “I know, But I look… different”

“What’s wrong with looking different?”

“I just don’t want to be different, Janus, I want to be normal.”

“Trust me, okay?” Janus smiles “would I lie to you?”

“Yes.”

“Okay, but I’m not lying this time,” Janus says “besides, you look pretty cute like this.” He reaches out to touch an antenna, making it twitch.

Virgil blushes bright red, “lair.”

“I told you, I’m not lying tonight,” Janus says.

“Alright…” Virgil sighs “I’ll come out of my room tomorrow.’

“Good,” Janus says “and you should really eat more than cereal.”

“Virgie! My strange dark son!” Patton cries and pulls him into a rib cracking hum when Virgil comes down from breakfast that morning. “Oh wow! You look… different! Not bad different! Your antennas are actually pretty cute.”

“Uh… thanks?” Virgil says “sorry for making you worry.”

“It’s actually antennae when talking about insects,” Logan says “I’m glad it wasn’t anything serious.”

“Virgie you look so cool!” Remus grins “I always hated that you hid this part of yourself.”

“I’m glad you’re okay, too,” Roman says “Emo Mothman”

Virgil rolls his eyes “thanks, Princey.”

“See, I told you so,” Janus says and Virgil rolls his eyes.

“Yeah, yeah, yeah, you don’t have to be so smug about it”

“I think I do,” Janus says with a smirk.

“Janus?” Virgil fidgets with the sleeve of his hoodie “did you mean it when you said I was cute too?”

Janus chuckles and pokes at one Virgil’s antennae again. “Indeed I did.”

“Oh,” says Virgil, blushing. 

“You’re pretty, too,” Janus adds “absolutely gorgeous.”

“Y-yeah, you too,” Virgil mumbles.

Janus chuckles again. “Oh yeah?”

Virgil wants to kiss that smug look off his face.

He grabs Janus by the front of his cape and drags him into a kiss that the taller side eagerly returns. 

“Well then,” Janus says when they pull apart, still grinning smugly. “You’re not a bad kisser.”

“Shut up,” Virgil snaps

“Make me.”

Virgil does. 

**Author's Note:**

> *writes one shots instead of working on my other wips*  
> sorry, I'll be working on How to Break a Curse soon  
> Maybe (-_-;)


End file.
